


Heavy Boots

by UndeservingHero



Series: The Heavy [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndeservingHero/pseuds/UndeservingHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War was a constant, one Cullen was beginning to accept as his own. Chosen as the Commander for Seeker Pentaghast's Inquisition, he's given a new temptation. But in this massive conflict, will something finally fall in Cullen's favor?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The War Room

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I have not completed Cullen's Romance storyline myself. This was just for my own amusement. 
> 
> I did my best to keep her completely featureless except for the obviousness of her ears because of her heritage. 
> 
> Enjoy.

The spurs attached to her boots rang out with every step as she walked through the skyway at Skyhold leading to her war room, the sound pure and high as it shattered the quiet of the air in the stone hall. Early morning guaranteed that she was the only one roving the halls save the guards set to duty by her own hand earlier that week.

She pushed open the keyhole door to the war room and breathed in the smell of parchment and pitch that had been burned the night before as she and the Commander and Seeker Pentaghast had spent long hours going over a battle plan for their jaunt into Court at Val Royeaux.

Her eyes flicked open and she was startled to see that there was already someone leaning over the table. The familiar set of his shoulders and the warmth of the fur that graced them comforted her before his eyes even turned up to hers. The slight smile made her own mouth turn up at the corners before she shut the door and strode forward, the spurs ringing out again.

“Good morning, Commander,” she said as she stopped across the great table from him, resting her palms on the hewn top of it.

He stood up straight, hands folding on the hilt of his great sword. “Good morning, Inquisitor.”

She still wasn’t used to being called that, even after months of it being attached to her name. “I thought no one would be awake this early, Commander.”

He looked slightly embarrassed. “Apologies. I will leave you to your perusal of our maps.”

She held up a hand to stay him. “No, Commander. I did not wish to make you leave. I had just assumed wrongly that I was the only one that can’t sleep.”

He paused, halfway around the table before coming to stand near her. “Is there something wrong, Inquisitor?”

She forced a laugh and straightened to face him. “You mean something besides the end of the world resting on my shoulders?”

He smiled for her benefit. “I do not envy your position, but you have done better than almost anyone else would have done. I wager even master Hawke couldn’t have done better. I know of only one other that might have given you a run for your coin and she is fighting her own war.”

She rubbed a gloved hand over her face, the smell of leather and the lingering scent of horse comforted her as it flooded her nose. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better. I fear I’m not going to do our people much better than Corypheus would.”

“I would have to disagree with you.” He moved to pull a chair out for her before sitting near her, facing her slightly at an angle. “Your decisions weigh heavy on you. I can see it.”

She opened her mouth to object, but she couldn’t push the words out past her lips. She sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “You see more than I would have wished, Cullen.”

He paused at his given name falling so easily from her mouth. He pushed it away and went on to allay her fears. “It’s easy to see when I myself am going through much the same thing.” The lines of his face were kind as he spoke.

She watched him quietly and waited to see if he would elaborate or if she was going to have to ask.

His gloved hand rubbed over his mouth as his elbow propped up on the table. “I was a templar. You know that. I stopped taking the lyrium when all of this began. I’ve told you that as well. But I haven’t told you what caused me to come to that decision.”

“And you don’t have to. That was the one decision I won’t question you on. You would not have done so if you didn’t feel like it were absolutely necessary.” Her eyes were set in a determined light as she spoke. The bright morning sun shining through the windows sparkled in the depth of her eyes.

His smile turned sad. “Even now, you try to comfort those around you. Regardless of the decisions that led you here and the ones you’ve made on the behalf of the Inquisition, you have always had the peoples’ best interests at heart. And that makes you worthy of this.”

He shook his head. “But I digress. You once asked me what caused me to leave the templars. I have given you no answer as of yet. Seeing as you have trusted all of us, I believe you should be given that same measure of trust.

“I resigned my position with the templars because I stood aside while great injustices were brought down by Knight-Commander Meredith. And most days it feels as if I had stood up and spoken out against her, I might have been able to prevent the war between the mages and the templars.”

He saw her open her mouth to object but held up a hand to stay her. “I know that is a ridiculous thought. The mages and the templars were already at each others’ throats. But some days it’s overwhelming. That is why I stopped taking the lyrium. I didn’t want that to happen again and be a part of the problem.”

She nodded. “Alright.”

He rubbed over his mouth with his forefinger again, chin resting in his hand as he looked at a space in the middle distance. “I fear that it is beginning to make this difficult. I have asked the Seeker to name my successor should it come to the worst bit.” He met her eyes then. “I would ask that you honor that decision.”

She was a little taken aback at the thought that Cullen might not always be her Commander. Her face didn’t betray the emotion though as she nodded in acquiescence. “Though you are the leader and a key member of my council, I would not ask you to extend yourself beyond your abilities, Cullen. That would benefit no one.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Inquisitor.”

He leaned back in his chair. “That is a small comfort in the face of coming ventures, but your support does help ease my mind.”

She smiled slightly. “I hardly thought it would make much difference to you, Commander. You so rarely need anyone’s opinions.”

He cleared his throat and looked away toward the map. “You would be surprised, Inquisitor, how high your opinion is held.”

Her smile widened. He was growing uncomfortable and she did truly love the way he blushed when she got him riled up.

“And how high do you hold my opinions, Commander?” she prodded gently.

His honey coloured eyes flicked over to her before returning to the map, his cheeks tinging pink like he were a just a lad that should still be chasing his mother skirt tails. “Extremely high... Lavellan.”

A brow rose at the use of her name without some sort of title to go with it. “I see, Cullen.”

She leaned toward him and his eyes returned to her at the movement, his lashes widening when one of her gloved hands laid atop his where it rested on his thigh. “Then I am held in high esteem because I truly do value your opinions of me as well.”

He looked at her small hand on top of his before he looked up to meet her eyes. He stumbled over his words before he finally managed to get out, “You do?”

She smiled, her eyes kind. “I do.” She sat back in her chair, her fingers trailing over his before falling away.


	2. Val Royeaux

She looked at him over the rim of her glass as she listened to Gaspard talk in her ear. He was making a lewd proposition that involved a whole lot of nothing but masks being worn. But her eyes were for her Knight-Commander that was leaning against a wall looking moody and set upon across the way.

There were a gaggle of women gathered around him and he was very obviously not happy with this turn of events. His eyes hadn’t left her though and the thundercloud that was on his face had only grown darker at the sight of Gaspard leering at her and growing closer to her person with each passing moment.

She lowered her glass and handed it over to Gaspard who sputtered to a halt in his speech as she walked away. The crimson of the dress uniform Josephine had shoved her into made her skin glow and her hair look shinier than it truly was. Or maybe that was the soft light of the chandeliers that lit everything but the corners where couples and nobles had gathered to spend a moment alone.

Her hair was down out of its usual braiding and flowed easily about her shoulders where her mantle usually rested. Tonight though, she was unfettered by the heavy furs and velvets and was glad to be rid of the weight. Maybe for the moment she could pretend she wasn’t in charge of saving the world and could just be another maiden at a grand party.

She hoped her messere would be a little less bashful than he usually was as she approached him.

His eyes followed her and his gaze grew quizzical as she drew closer. When she was within touching distance, he said, “Is something wrong, Inquisitor?”

She smiled and held out a hand. “Other than the fact that you look ready to kill half of Val Royeaux, no. Care to dance with me to escape your new fan club?” She took care to speak quietly so she wouldn’t have to smooth ruffled feathers later.

He looked uncomfortable for a moment before taking her hand. “Anything is better than this,” he said as he tucked her hand into the bend of his elbow and led the way down to the dancefloor.

She noticed the pads of his fingers still bore the callouses of a long life spent with a sword in his hands as his stayed to cover hers on his elbow and she was pleased. The soft hands of the aristocracy of Orlais had begun to wear on her patience. She had little use for men who had never in their lives touched the field of battle with the heels of their boots while war was waged before their very doors.

The stairs that led down to the dancefloor were beset by wandering guests and were politely pushed past by her escort. It was odd seeing how easily he dealt with them while knowing how much he absolutely hated doing so. He was better at this than he let on.

As the soles of her soft boots touched the tiles of the floor, he turned her to him and took her waist in one hand while the other gently clasped her fingers. She noticed the lightest colour touch his cheekbones again and hid her smile as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

“I apologize in advance if I step on your toes,” he said quietly as he began to lead her in step with the music. "Templars generally don't celebrate this way."

She laughed quietly, letting the rest of the world melt away for the moment as she let him guide her. “I do not think it would be the worst thing my toes have gone through, Cullen.”

He smiled slightly at her quip and the sound of her laughter. “Maybe not, but it still won’t be pleasant.” But somehow, he couldn’t make the warning sound sincere as he watched the stress and worry melt from her face for a brief moment.

Maybe, even if someone died tonight, it wouldn’t be a total waste. This memory would plague him for months as he remembered the soft curve of her mouth turned up in an innocent sort of happiness at just being allowed to be a woman for a moment and the gentle press of her warmth through the cloth on her hip.

He tried to do what he’d seen so many do in his time watching the mages and running in the Chantry in Kirkwall. He pulled a bit of bravery from what he’d seen her give her Inquisition and leaned in to speak quietly against her ear. “You look lovely with your hair down.”

He pulled back, uncertain of the effects of his words before he saw the small smile and the light of warmth in her eyes.

“Thank you, Cullen.” She smiled. “I only keep it up for when we wage war, but Josephine assured me that it was rude of me to have it in my usual braids.” She rolled her eyes to show him how ridiculous she thought that idea, but the smile didn’t stray.

He returned it and nodded. “I know it counts for nothing, but I prefer it like this.” The hand he had on her hip, shifted to her lower back where the tips of the lush waterfall hit the back of his fingers.

She laughed again, leaning against his shoulder as the music slowed and spoke against his collar. “It counts for far more than you think, Commander.”

He was unsure of what to do or how to proceed and having her so close and so soft where he was accustomed to her being covered in armor and the trappings of war was going to his head. But for the moment, he held her close and let himself believe it was normal for them.

A loud chime suffused the hall and everything stopped. With open regret on his face for a brief moment, he pulled away, managing to cover the look with a mask of confusion.

“It’s time for more talks,” she murmured, her fingers still laced through his as she turned toward the head of the stairs that led to the main balcony. She sighed and turned back to him. “Thank you for the dance, Cullen.”

He took a step back and bowed properly to her before releasing her completely. “It was my pleasure, Inquisitor.”

He watched her go and regretted the loss of the innocence briefly before returning to his earlier roost in the heart of a clutch of Orlesian ladies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware Cullen declines dancing with the Inquisitor until after the decision for Emperor/Empress has been made. This suited my needs better. 
> 
> Enjoy.


	3. Everyone But Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Cassandra would be a proactive friend to the Inquisitor if she knew she had a love interest, so here's that. 
> 
> Enjoy.

“Commander, might I have a moment?”

He looked over at the sound of a familiar voice and nodded when he saw the intense look on Cassandra’s face. “Of course.”

They moved out to one of the balconies and away from a pair of Orlesian lordlings fighting over some nonsense.

“It’s about the Inquisitor,” she said without further ado.

He arched a brow. “Is she alright? Gaspard hasn’t talked her into playing a drinking game I hope. He’s bound to end up under the table instead of in charge of Orlais.” He was trying to push away the instant worry over her with humor, but by the severe set of her eyebrows he shouldn’t have.

“I know you care for her,” she said quietly.

Cullen was very still for a long moment before he sighed. “Am I that obvious?”

Cassandra shook her head. “What is it with men that makes them think obviousness is this terrible thing.” She made a disgusted noise but went on. “You care for her, but I would make sure that you do understand that she returns the feeling. With that said, what do you intend to do with it, Commander?”

Cullen was completely stunned for the first time since Hawke’s mage had brought down the Chantry. He was completely speechless. The Inquisitor returned his feelings?

He swallowed hard and couldn’t get words out of his mouth as he met Cassandra’s eyes. He glanced behind her and saw the Orlesian lordlings watching them and pulled on a blank mask before taking Cassandra by the arm and leading her toward their quarters.

When they were in his rooms, he let her go and she patiently waited for him to figure out what he was actually thinking as he paced around, hands folded neatly behind his back as he was walking in parade stance. His back was straight and his steps were measured evenly though he was walking slowly.

She crossed her arms and waited, leaning back against the door as she watched him. “You must know something of what you want, Cullen. Else you would not be having so much trouble finding the words to tell me.”

He took the bait and rounded on her, his frustration raising its head and taking hold of him. “Does everyone know myself but me!”

His parade stance fell away and he paced now with a fervor that spoke of how deeply this problem plagued him. “I cannot have feelings for the Inquisitor. She has entirely too much to do for me to be a distraction! Tonight of all nights. Accepting her request was a mistake.”

“One you would gladly make again,” Cassandra interjected.

He growled and rounded on her before the fight left him in a rush and he sagged. “Yes. Selfishly, yes, I would make it again.” His voice was painfully quiet and sadder than he would have liked to admit.

“You asked me what I intend to do with this?” He paused and met her eyes. “I don’t intend to do anything because right now, I can’t afford to. None of us can. The world cannot survive if the Inquisitor is distracted by some fool thing that could get her killed.”

Cassandra almost looked sad as she came to stand before him. “Do not discount her feelings for you, Cullen. She has watched you and waited since the moment we came upon you outside of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She has known what she was getting into from the very beginning.” She shook her head. “The Inquisitor is not one to be refused when she wants something. And you are what she wants, Commander.”

Cullen made a distressed noise before he sullenly sank into a chair before the fireplace. “I am afraid you’re right, Cassandra.”

He sighed and put his face in his hands as she lightly touched his shoulder before leaving him to his thoughts in front of the hearth.

 


	4. The Dalish Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on the in-game decisions I made while playing and should in no way be influential should you decide to play. 
> 
> Enjoy.

“I don’t understand how she could let the Empress die. I just don’t see the sense in it,” Josephine said as she stood to the side of the war table.

Cullen sighed. “She did what she had to. Without her death, there would still have been turmoil and the civil war would still be going on. It was an awful situation with awful consequences but don’t you dare make her regret her decision.” He was vehement in his defense of Lavellan after the conversation they’d had sitting at this very table not a week before.

Leliana spoke up and dragged Josephine into a conversation about how they would weasle a bit more gold out of some nearby Banns and managed to distract her enough that neither one of them noticed the drawn and weary look on Cullen’s face as he thought about his own advice.

He excused himself from the war room and left, pulling his cloak closer about him as the adjacent hallway still needed to be repaired by the masons. He crossed through the main hall toward the door near the throne and took the stairs up to the Inquisitor’s rooms, knocking on the banister to let her know she had company in case she was indisposed.

“Come in,” she said and he proceeded up the stairs.

She was sitting at her desk, writing with a quill she’d been given by Josephine. He knew because it was a bright purple that spoke of the Antivan woman more than the Inquisitor. She looked up after crossing something out and smiled when she saw him. “Cullen.” She put the quill back in its holder before standing and coming around the desk. “What do I owe the pleasure?”

He was busy looking anywhere but at her, taking in the books and the baubles that decorated the shelves behind her desk. His eyes scanned the room but darted away from her bed with its disheveled sheets and pillows that had been stuffed up to support her back as she sat in bed.

He swallowed and turned back towards her. “I actually came to speak with you...”

She sat on the edge of her desk and motioned for him to go on. “By all means. I’ve missed having you around lately. Where have you been hiding yourself?”

His cheeks tinted lightly and took a bold step closer to her. “I’ve been recovering my time with the Orlesian courts, but that is not why I came. Inquisitor...” He paused and went on in a softer tone. “Lavellan...”

Her given name made the smile fall from her mouth and she grew concerned. “What’s wrong, Cullen?”

He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face before turning away from her and pacing away for a bit. “I am absolute rubbish at things like this,” he muttered.

She crossed to him and put her hands on his shoulders, making him look at her. “Cullen, please, hold still and tell me what’s going on.”

The calm command in her voice and the light pressure of her reassurance made him look her in the eye and finally get what he wanted to say out, “I care about you.”

Her expression turned startled like a nug caught in a bright lamp before it melted into a soft smile. “I see. Good thing we’re often of the same mind, then.”

He blinked at her before it finally sank in. “I... We-We are?”

She laughed lightly and nodded before her laughter was silenced by the press of his mouth when he kissed her, arms going around her waist as he pulled her close.

She pressed up against the plate of his armor and rose on her toes as her fingers cupped around his neck to hold him there.

A moment later, he pulled slowly away far enough to lay his forehead against hers. “That was nice,” he said quietly and her grin cracked her face.

“Yes, it was exactly what I wanted.” Her thumbs stroked either side of his throat and made goosebumps rise on his skin.

“I’d rather like to try that again,” he said before returning his mouth to claim hers.

 


	5. Even the Horse Master Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dennet's been around the block a few times so I figured he'd have a bit of insight. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Sweat rolled down her face even in the frigid air sweeping down off the mountain into the courtyard where she was doing battle and there was grit in her eyes from where he’d kicked dirt in her face.

She’d never figured Cullen for a dirty fighter, but they’d agreed on going all out against each other and he wasn’t holding anything back except when he could have really hurt her, tapping her lightly with the side of his sword.

It enraged her every time she felt that touch and his smile made it worse. She’d rather he didn’t patronize her even though she was sure he didn’t mean to.

This had been a stupid idea in the first place, but he was the best with a sword; even Cassandra couldn’t beat him in all outs. And she was awful with a sword. If she’d been able to pull her daggers, he’d have been on the ground more than once.

Instead of her...

The point of his sword gently grazed the underside of her chin with a practiced movement as she sat in the soft sod that covered the courtyard, glaring up at him with all she was worth.

The steel moved away and he offered her a hand to help her up. She briefly thought of shoving it away, but this had been her idea and she had no right to be angry with him. She’d known what she was getting into from the beginning.

Her gloved palm clapped against his and he hauled her up, her sword dragging the ground as she looked up at him. “Are you alright?”

She nodded, meeting his eyes. “Yes, Commander. Thank you.”

He smiled at her and took a half-step back. “Good. Would you like to go again?”

She huffed at him, blowing a stray wisp of hair out of her face. “Not unless you drop that sword and draw knives.”

He looked a little surprised and seemed to consider that for a minute before he nodded. “Will you wait here for a moment?”

She shrugged. “Sure. I’m going to go dunk my head in the trough though since you so kindly kicked sand in my eyes.”

His expression turned sheepish. “I am sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. I should have known better.” She shooed him away and he left, walking up the flight of stairs that led to his rooms.

She assumed he was going to get knives so they could get on with this and she could show him a thing or two.

Going over to the stables, she fell to her knees in front of one of the troughs of water and started pulling her breastplate off, followed by her bracers so she could shake the dirt out of them and move a little easier to wash her face and hands after shedding her gloves. She sat on her heels in only a tunic she’d long-since cut the sleeves out of as she splashed the chilled water over her face and got the worst of the dirt out of her eyes and off her face before she heard someone clear their throat beside her.

She looked up and Dennet was holding a bit of linen out to her. “Looks like your Commander had the same idea,” he said as he tilted his head behind her.

She took the linen, drying her face, and looked over her shoulder to see Cullen standing near where they’d just scuffled and had to force her jaw not to drop open. Gone was the armor and the fur that usually draped his shoulders, leaving the former templar bare to the waist. The midday sun was just breaching the walls to the bottom of the courtyard where they were and glanced off his shoulders, tanned by days spent training with his soldiers during the hot months in Kirkwall.

Scars were scattered in light slashes against the golden colour of his skin. All of them were non-threatening and must have just been from the many battles he’d been through... And maybe a bit from Ferelden’s Circle.

Without noticing, she’d risen and the linen Dennet had given her was twisted in her fingers. Remembering the Horse Master, she tried to push thanks past her lips but he’d already walked away, a small smile on his face as he went to go give her favourite mount a good rub down.

She gathered her knives and their harness up before slipping it on, over her tunic, abandoning her armor. The bindings she wore under the tunic to keep her breasts still would do even though she no longer wore the leather.

As she approached him, he looked up toward her and had nearly the same reaction she had to him as she reached over her shoulders and drew the infamous, backcurved daggers she’d disemboweled more than a few demons with. The hilts moved effortlessly in her palms as she twirled them to familiarize herself with the lighter weight again. The lack of armor on her person made him pause but then he saw the way she moved without it and knew he was going to be on the ground within five minutes.

The ease with which she moved without the leather holding her back and the strength in her bare arms and the strong thighs that were still wrapped in her leggings was impressive. If he hadn’t already been completely enamoured by her, he would have been at that moment.

Nothing was more attractive to him than a woman willing to put him on his ass.

When she drew close, he saw the light in her eyes and pulled the daggers out of their sheaths on his hips, holding the long blades parallel to his forearms because he knew he was going to be on the defensive the whole time.

She came at him hard as if she hadn’t just been sitting on the ground with almost no energy left twenty minutes ago. He instantly regretted saying yes to this and just barely managed to keep up with the barrage of strikes she sent his way.

The only good that came out of this was how close she was the whole time, but that just made it easier for her to have her knives crossed over his throat. She grinned at him as the blades scraped against the stubble on his throat when he shifted slightly before she withdrew and swept him a curtsy that might have been impressive had she been wearing a ballgown and not holding daggers.

The ridiculousness of her stance made him laugh and he sagged against a nearby post as he watched her. “I surrender, Inquisitor.”

Her eyes were merry as she leaned her shoulder against the same post and looked up at him after putting her daggers away. “I accept your surrender with graciousness, Commander.”

He smiled at her. “Somehow, I feel like graciousness is missing from this.”

Her mouth stretched into a grin and she danced away. “It’s not any fault of mine that you can’t handle losing to an elf, serah.”

“Serah..?” It was then that he remembered her clan had been near Kirkwall and he followed after her as she gathered up her armor and made her way back up the stairs toward the main hall.

Not a few people paused to see their Commander wandering around without his armor, much less no tunic. Neither he nor the Inquisitor noticed as they made their way to her chambers above the war room. He was still trying to figure out how to ask her if she’d been near Kirkwall when everything had gone belly up with the Chantry there when she dumped her armor in the floor in front of the hearth and started pulling off her daggers and shed her tunic.

She was left in her leathers and belts and the bindings she had wrapped around her chest and nothing else. Out of habit, Cullen turned his back and cleared his throat before speaking. “Inquisitor, you called me Serah. Were you--”

“Near Kirkwall when everything decided to explode?” she said. “No.” He heard the amusement in her voice when she said, “You can turn around, Cullen. I have nothing to hide.”

He did and she was pulling off her leggings, leaving her in smalls and the bindings. He’d been right earlier. Her legs were long and slender but there was power in her muscles as they shifted as she hopped on one foot to get the other free of the leather.

She toppled and he was half rushed forward when she landed with a laugh on her bed, finally freeing her foot.

She laid across it with a blissful smile. “I’m going to be so sore tomorrow. I landed rather hard when you bested me,” she said to the ceiling.

His face was pinked slightly at the casual way she was laying in her near nudity, but it occurred to him that the Dalish didn’t particularly care for clothes or shoes most of the time. This was just her and he pushed away his embarrassment.

He moved and sat by her feet. She’d been wearing boots since before the Conclave and he assumed that they had grown tender over time. It had been nearly a year since they had come together to try and save Thedas.

She lifted her head, bits of her hair had fallen out of her braids and stuck to her face and neck as she looked at him when he cupped the back of her ankle and started kneading her feet and then up her calf.

Her head fell back and a low sound came from her mouth.

He smiled and kept working over them. This was the least he could do after making her fall like that. And the noise that came out of her mouth was really rather lovely.

He grew brave and leaned forward to press a kiss to her knee before lowering his hands back to his lap. “Better? Have I gained forgiveness?”

She managed to lift her heavy head and smiled at him. “Oh, I think you might have.” Sighing, she said, “What I wouldn’t give for a nap.”

He arched a golden brow at her. “Why can’t you have one?”

She slowly sat up, her limbs feeling like they had weights tied to them. “Because I have a castle to run and a world to save.”

He shrugged. “Seems like all the more reason for a nap. You can’t do those things if you’re not your best, Lavellan.”

She gave him a long look before she laughed quietly. “Maybe you’re right. If I can avoid Josephine and Leliana that long.”

Getting up, he grabbed her desk chair and walked down the stairs with it. She stood and went over to the banister to watch and see what he was doing. He shoved the top of the chair up under the knob at an angle and tested it to make sure it wouldn’t slide before coming back up.

He looked up when he felt her eyes on him and the sight of her nearly took his breath away. Her hair was flyaway and her shoulders were soft for once as she leaned against the banister. He paused on the stair below her and looked up at her. “Maker, but you’re beautiful.”

She smiled, slightly embarrassed but leaned over the banister and kissed him. “You’re not bad looking yourself, Commander.” Her eyes flicked to the chair. “And thank you.”

Golden irises didn’t stray from her. “I’d sit outside your door and keep everyone away if you asked me to, Lavellan.”

She blinked at the honesty on his face and laughed quietly in her amazement. “You are something else, Cullen.” She stretched out her hand and he took it. “Come nap with me.”

He brushed his lips over her fingers before walking up the rest of the stairs and following her to the bed where she laid out while he pulled off his boots. She tugged him down and wrapped around him, making him laugh. “Didn’t figure you were a cuddly person.”

She shrugged. “You’re warm and it gets cold up here when I’m too still.”

He hooked his foot in her blankets and dragged them up over them. “Might have to do with the fact that you’re almost naked, Lavellan.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shut up and cuddle me, Cullen.” She tucked herself under his chin as he chuckled and pulled her tight against him.

 


	6. Spending Time

Lavellan came awake in a warm cocoon and smiled at the hazy weight her limbs had. It had been a very long time since she had truly rested. Her eyes opened finally and she looked up slightly to see Cullen fast asleep next to her, his hair disheveled from the pillows and lips slightly parted with his easy breathing.

She noticed something else when she shifted slightly. One arm was wrapped tightly around her, but his other hand had somehow worked its way down the back of her smalls to hold one of her cheeks lightly. She blushed and smothered a giggle.

She leaned up and gently tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth to waken him. “Cullen,” she said softly.

His arm tightened around her and his mouth followed hers to kiss her hard, the hand on her bum taking a firmer hold. A noise left his throat before he pulled away to look at her through lowered lashes. “Yes, Lavellan?”

She smiled at him. “I woke up a short time ago to find your hand on my ass and was curious how it go there.”

He looked confused until he wiggled his fingers and then a light flush touched his face. He moved to pull his hand away but she leaned up and kissed him.

“I didn’t say I minded, Cullen.”

Golden eyes were confused for a moment before it dawned on him just what she was saying. He used the hold he had on her to pull her flat up against him and kissed her hard. He removed his hand from her smalls if only so he could shift them and cover her body with his own.

Her fingers sank into the golden curls that graced his head and kissed him back as her body arched up into his.

He pulled away and found the end of her binding, pulling it out of the tuck she’d put it into so it wouldn’t come unraveled and sat up with her so they could get her out of it. As he did so, he pressed kisses to her shoulders and neck and made an experience of it instead of just something that needed to be done.

She touched over his shoulders  and traced scars lightly, drawing shivers from him more than once until he finally got the binding off and gently skimmed his fingers over her ribs  and breasts as he kissed her.

She gasped at being touched after being bound so long. It made it that much more sensitive and the callouses of his hands were rough on her skin. She couldn’t help but love it.

He pressed her back down, his mouth dragging down over her skin. The scruff on his jaw added even more sensation to it and made her shudder. She shifted and her thighs brushed over the soft leather that still wrapped around his strong legs.

His fingers sank into the soft skin over her ribs and held her still as his mouth closed over one of her nipples and made her gasp. “Oh, Maker.” 


	7. Hope

Cullen had her head pillowed on his upper arm as he looked at her. His fingers slowly trailed through her hair at her temple and the quietness of it made him sigh. “Wish we could stay like this for a good long while.”

She smiled at him. “Agreed.”

He laid quiet for a long time, studying her face and learning each line of the tattoo that graced the soft curves. It took him a moment, but he finally got the words together enough to speak. “Do you ever think of what might happen when all of this is over?”

She blinked at him. “Of course, I do. All I have left is hope, Cullen.”

His heart jumped with a sickening lurch at the thought that she didn’t have anything to look forward to. Swallowing it back down, he said, “Do you ever think of me with you?” He felt foolish asking, but it was something he needed to know.

Her smile set every jittery nerve he had at ease. “Of course I do.” She pressed a kiss to his scratchy chin. “Where would I be without my Commander to make sure I don’t do something ill advisable.”

A laugh made its way up his throat. “Maker help Thedas if you were ever set loose upon the world without someone to tell you enough.”

Her lopsided smile made butterflies flutter around in his stomach. “I would like to make it official with you when this is all over, if you wouldn’t object.”

Her happy laughter filled the vaulted ceilinged room.

“Should I take that as a yes?” he asked, watching as her joy bubbled over.

“I would, Commander,” she said as her arms went around his neck.


	8. Friendly Reminder

Lavellan sat alone in their suite at her desk, leaning heavily against the back of her chair. Her eyes were trained on the sky outside. It should have been dark, but it hadn’t been for some time and wouldn’t be again until she closed the Breach.

The room was quiet since Cullen was in the barracks for the moment, working with the guard captain to get her roster worked out and make sure everyone was happy. She would have done it herself, but she had too much on her mind to be in anyone’s company.

Her hand pushed against her lower belly and felt her eyes sting at the corners. The last two times she’d done anything near the Breach, she’d been unconscious for days. Now, she had far more to worry about than just herself.

Between herself and Cullen, something had begun to grow. Halfbreeds were rare, but they did happen. And now, she’d missed two moon cycles and she didn’t have the heart to tell him since they were so close to getting to the Breach. She didn’t want him to push her into staying her hand until she birthed the child.

She didn’t know if Thedas could wait that long.

Putting her feet up against the edge of the desk, she curled in around her belly and set her forehead against her knees. “If I didn’t love him so much, maybe this would have waited until we weren’t in mortal peril,” she mumbled to herself.

Cullen had enough on his mind when he didn’t have to worry about her and a child. The lyrium withdrawals had subsided to only very occasionally, but the nightmares still plagued him more often than not. The Inquisition would fall without him and everyone but him seemed to know it. His kindness and the patience he had with his soldiers was an asset that couldn’t be filled by anyone but him.

He was out at that very moment proving it. All because she’d asked it of him.

She rubbed the tears from her eyes on the knees of the soft leggings Leliana had given her and hugged her thighs as more took their place.

She heard the door at the bottom of the stairs open and quickly scrubbed them away and put her feet down on the floor. She picked up a book and pretended to be reading by the time her visitor crowned the stairs.

She was surprised to see Varric and it showed on her face.

“Inquisitor,” he greeted as he crossed over to her desk, propping a hip up on the edge of it.

“What can I do for you, Varric?” she asked, laying her ruse down on the desktop.

He shrugged. “Can’t I just visit a friend?”

She gave him a look. “Not that I don’t appreciate the visit, but you don’t do anything without a purpose.”

He laughed at that and faced her a little more, his knee shifting a pile of papers slightly. His demeanor changed though after a moment and he met her eyes. “Honestly, I just came to see how you’re doing. Tomorrow’s your center stage moment.” He didn’t mention the fact that her eyes were red around the edges and her cheeks were slightly flushed.

Feeling vulnerable again, she put her feet back up on the edge of the desk and set her chin on her knees as she hugged her thighs. “I’m scared,” she admitted.

He smiled slightly. “You’d be stupid if you weren’t, Inquisitor. But I mean are you doing alright? Any way I can help?”

She stared into the hearth across the way as she considered. No one knew yet. She hadn’t had to tell anyone and Cullen hadn’t figured it out. Swallowing, she said, “Can I tell you something and you swear never to tell another living soul until I make it public?”

He looked mildly intrigued and more than a little surprised. “Political intrigue? And you chose me to tell? I’m honored.”

Her gaze shifted to him and she looked too serious for him to be comfortable. “I’m being serious, Varric. Can you swear you won’t tell anyone?”

He held up gloved hands and returned her mood, laughter and sarcasm forgotten. “Of course, Inquisitor. You have my word.”

Her eyes slid away again, back to the hearth. She didn’t want to see his face when she told him. “Not even Cullen,” she murmured.

Surprise really hit him then. She and the Commander had been staying in the same quarters for a good long while now. He figured she’d tell him everything. He nodded though. “Not even Cullen,” he repeated in the affirmative.

“I’m with child,” she said quietly for the first time.

He almost fell off the edge of the desk with his surprise and thought this might be a joke, until more tears began to fill her eyes.

He got up and walked around the desk to stand beside her, setting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly. She looked over at him and her eyes were bright with the tears.

Pulling her chair around, he hugged her hard and let her get out her fear, his tunic soaking up the tears. Not once did he even consider that the silk was being ruined. She had become one of his best friends, something close to where Hawke resided, and he would do anything for her. He just wished, for once, he could do more.

She didn’t try to talk or justify her tears. She didn’t have to. He had been there since the beginning and knew what the Breach did to her each time she got anywhere near it.

That worry had transferred to the child in her womb more so than herself and she now wondered if they would survive instead of just hoping she would. She knew it would absolutely devastate Cullen should they perish.

He swallowed at the notion of losing his friend but pushed it away. It wasn’t about him this time. He pulled out a bit of cloth and dried her face with it before sitting up on the desk. “Feel a little better?”

She took the cloth from him and nodded as she rubbed more firmly at her eyes than he had. “Thank you...”

He shrugged. “You needed it.” He watched her to make sure she wasn’t going to collapse again with a concern born of deep affection. “So are you going to tell him before you go?”

The pained expression that crossed her face told him all he needed to know, but she answered. “I can’t. He wouldn’t let me. You know that. He is fiercely protective of me as it is. But he knows I have to do what I can for Thedas.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “If he knew I was with child, he’d never let me out of his sight.”

Varric nodded. “Probably.” He rubbed his hand thoughtfully over his chin. “Though, he’ll forgive you if you tell him when you come back.”

“I would as soon as I got back. If we live that long.” Her hands covered her belly and she looked like she might start crying again, but she held it in and remained the strong elven Inquisitor he knew her to be.

“You’re gonna make it, Lavellan, even if we have to carry you back.” He saw her hands and wished he could make everything easier on her. He’d never had kids, but he could only imagine how hard this would be for her. And Cullen too if he’d known.

She smiled slightly at him and blinked the tears away. “Thank you, Varric.”

“Any time, Inquisitor.” He smiled at her to give her reassurance.

 

 


	9. The Inquisition

Cullen came back not long after Varric left her to her thoughts. He found her in the same position she’d been in before Varric had come, feet on the table, hugging her legs. She was watching the fire and was very very still even as he approached her, pulling off his cloak.

“Lavellan?” he asked quietly. He wasn’t even sure she knew he was there.

Her jewel-like eyes flickered over to him and her mouth bowed into a smile she seemed to reserve just for him. “Cullen.”

He pulled off his leather tunic, leaving himself in the light blue one she’d given him after she’d ventured to Orlais recently. She’d said something about it making his eyes look nice.

He’d been much more interested in seeing her walking around in it with nothing else on after they’d spent a long cold night together in their bed.

He went to her since she hadn’t moved and knelt beside her chair, pulling her around to him and pressing a long kiss to her mouth. He’d noticed how red her eyes were.

“Is everything alright?” he asked as he pulled away, still holding her face in his hands.

She covered his with her own and gave him a soft smile. “It is now.”

He returned the smile and kissed her again. “You were a gift when you fell out of the Breach. Did you know that?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Hardly.”

She squeezed his fingers though. “Spend tonight with me?”

He nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

He rose and scooped her up out of her chair, carrying her to their bed and laying her down gently. He laid out beside her and pulled her close. “Will you tell me what had you so upset before?” he asked quietly.

“I just worry about tomorrow and the days to follow. I’m afraid, Cullen,” she confided.

He nuzzled under her jaw and kissed there. “So am I, Lavellan.” He pulled away slightly to look her in the eyes. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”

That gut wrenching feeling of betrayal came back as she guarded her answer to his insecurity. She petted his hair back from his face. “You would live on,” she assured him. It made her sick to say it.

He shook his head and pressed her hand to his face. “Not well.” He kissed her palm. “But we won’t have to see. You have the entirety of the Inquisition behind you. And I’ll be right on your heels.”

Her smile was a bit forced, but she gave it to him. “I hope so. It would be hard without my Council.”

 

 


	10. The Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain SPOILERS for the end of the game. 
> 
> This chapter can be skipped if you wish. It is not pertinent to the story. 
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy.

She stared up at the Breach as her hand pulsed with pain and power inside her glove. Her other arm hugged her own waist briefly before she reached up and pulled her daggers.

This was going to get ugly and she hoped to the Maker that Cullen had been right. She wished with everything she had that she would survive. If not for her sake, for his and their child’s.

She didn’t hold back because of her delicate condition and she didn’t spare her body as she took on the archdemon. The most satisfying thing in the world was hearing the sickening squelch as she withdrew her daggers from behind the headplate of the dragon.

But the Dread Wolf hadn’t had enough quite yet as Corypheus rose again, the orb glowing strongly in his hand.

With determined rage and the taste of victory ripe in her mouth, she ran to the top of the battlements and threw herself against the magister. All she could think of as she fought for her life was the blonde Commander waiting for her back at Skyhold. Waiting for her and their child to come home with triumph like a mantle on her shoulders.

The vision of his smile as he told her he loved her was what she saw instead of the Fade taking Corypheus. She saw love instead of the twisted fate of one of the Fallen.

She fell to her knees and vomited with the relief as the glow in the sky finally faded for good above her. She held an arm across her stomach as she sobbed in the quiet that followed. The tears cut tracks through the dirt and soot on her face.

Her laugh burst forth and she looked up at the scar in the clouds above her as she held herself. “It’s over,” she whispered to the sky.

She wiped her face with shaking hands and got up. She walked around the pillars that had fallen when the sphere had exploded and saw Solas holding one of the larger pieces. She drew closer and grew aggrieved. “I’m sorry, Solas.”

“So much was lost. It’s...” He stood and walked away.

She watched him go before making her way back down to the courtyard where half of her army stood waiting for her. She remained a few steps from the bottom and watched as their apparent victory spread through the ranks like wildfire. A boisterous cry went up and it ripped through the gathered hoard with a ferocity that astounded her.

Joy was what her people had needed after so long of feeling set upon.

To them, she was hope.

 

 


	11. The Heroins of Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There aren't any true spoilers in this bit.

The ride back to Skyhold was the longest four days of her life. She spent the interim with her soldiers and mingled with them. After all, she had been a hunter before and watching them talk and laugh again after over a year of worry and doubt was therapeutic in a way that nothing else was.

Cassandra and Varric were back to bickering over nothing and she felt the oppressive silence where Solas had been. Iron Bull and his boys had sunk back into camp life together, and Blackwall had departed not long after Corypheus’s downfall to go south, carrying word to the Wardens there. Sera was enjoying being free to do as she pleased and had talked not a few of her female officers into her bedroll in celebration. Dorian had done much the same and was boisterously happy about the fact as he took every opportunity to tell her. Vivienne had left to return to Val Royeaux for a time to settle things there with what was left of her Circle. Cole was never far from her side and rested easy at the lack of pain in the world.

She sat astride her horse as Skyhold came into view and paused the Forder to look up at her castle, sitting atop a mountain like a jewel at the front of a crown.

Cassandra rode close to her and stopped. “Is there something wrong, Inquisitor?”

A smile spread across her mouth. “No, Cassandra. For the first time, there’s absolutely nothing wrong.”

Cassandra gave her one of her rare smiles and nodded. “Yes, Inquisitor. That’s true.” She tilted her head toward Skyhold. “Shall we? I’m sure your Commander will be extremely pleased to see you.”

Lavellan laughed. “I have no doubt.”

She nudged the Forder back into motion and rose to stand in the stirrups as she urged him into a gallop so it wouldn’t harm the child. She wanted to get back possibly more than anyone.

The hooves of the Forder clattered hard against the stones of the bridge that crossed over to Skyhold. Nearly a hundred yards out of the gates, people were lined up on either side of the bridge and she pulled up hard on the reins, nearly sliding to a halt as he stopped.

The people gathered all stared at her in awe as she slowly walked the Forder forward to the gates. As she entered, clapping and a joyous cheer went up from everyone that had huddled together in the courtyards and on the battlements. It was a welcome made for a hero.

She dismounted and stood in the middle of all of it, looking for one person in particular.

She found him atop the stairs with Josephine and Leliana. And he was smiling.

Everything was right in the world for once. Everyone she loved was safe again.

For the sake of saving face and for political standing, she didn’t run up the stairs to him as she wanted to. She calmly walked and took time to take thanks from her people like any good leader should. Finally, she ended up in front of them and Cullen was the first to shake her hand and silently welcome her home. But his eyes said more than he ever could have.

 

 


	12. Orlesian Soap

After business was conducted and she’d stayed in the dining hall long enough to satisfy even Varric, she headed up to her suite and sighed in pure joy when she saw her bed for the first time in over a week.

She shed her armor and blinked when she saw a wooden tub sitting in front of the hearth where her sitting chairs had been when she left. She walked over to it, still mostly dressed and groaned when she saw water in it. Pulling her gloves off, she skimmed her fingers over the top. It was still warm.

May the Maker bless whoever was thoughtful enough for this.

She shed her clothes quickly and sank down into blissful warmth that instantly made her tired body go boneless. She sighed and let her head fall back against the rim of the tub. She sat there until the water began to cool and then picked up a cloth neatly folded over the side and began to wash the grime and dirt and road dust from her body, taking her comb from the table and making her hair shine.

As a Dalish, she’d often bathed in streams and lakes, but she was willing to admit that a warm bath in a tub with soft soaps from Orlais was a wonderful change.

She paused when she looked down at the sliver of soap in her hand and then a slow smile spread over her mouth. Only one person would have put this much forethought into her return.

Getting out of the water, she wrapped herself in a sheet of fine cloth and sat on the table in front of the hearth to brush out the tangles in her hair.

The door to the suite opened and heavy boots made soft thuds on the stairs as someone entered, but she didn’t rush to hide or arm herself. She knew that tread and the careful way he walked. As if he didn’t want to disturb the dust itself.

She did look over her shoulder and saw him just as he saw her.

He had fallen still at the top of the stairs when he had noticed her placid form with a comb in one hand, her hair in the other. The sheet did nothing to hide her from him as it clung to her still damp body.

“Maker,” he breathed.

She rose, sitting her comb back on the table, and held the sheet around her like some great gown as she walked to him. It trailed behind her and split most of the way up her thigh as she did.

Standing before him, she said, “Thank you for the bath, Cullen.”

His eyes flicked to the wooden tub he’d had brought up for her earlier that morning before returning to her. It took him a moment to find his tongue again. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

She smiled and stood on her toes to place a kiss on his cheek. “Stay put.”

He nodded and watched in mute awe as she walked across the room to his trunk, dropping the sheet halfway there, and pulled on one of his tunics that fell to mid-thigh on her. She sat cross-legged on the bed and crooked a finger at him to get him to come sit with her.

When he was perched on the edge of the bed, she looked down at her hands that were playing with the hem of the tunic. “There is something I wish to discuss with you, Cullen.”

Concern creased his brow and he reached for her hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I hope.” She looked up at him, swallowing. “Please know that I did not tell you this until now so you wouldn’t worry about me. Please know I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you.”

His heart dropped to somewhere in the general region of his knees. “Please just tell me whatever it is, Lavellan.”

Her fingers squeezed his as she finally told him. “Cullen, I’m with child.”

The entire world stopped spinning as he slowly blinked at her, his eyes showing no hint of what he was thinking or feeling.

She was almost concerned he’d had some sort of apoplexy when he finally spoke, “Are you certain?”

She nodded. “As certain as one can be about such things.”

“And you went against the Breach this way, knowing?” A hint of fire hid behind his words and she grew wary as she nodded again.

It never came to fruition though as he let her fingers go to press both open palms to her belly. “You did it so I wouldn’t stop you, didn’t you?” His voice was quiet, reverent.

She nodded again. “Cullen, I-”

“You’re having our child,” he finished for her before meeting her eyes. “And I could not be happier, Lavellan.”

Finally, for the first time, a brilliant smile overtook his face and he pulled her into his lap, laying a healthy kiss to her mouth.

“Maker, but I love you,” he breathed, making her laugh in delight.

“It’s a good thing we’re often of a like mind, Cullen,” she said as she pulled him down for another kiss.

He laughed against her mouth and held her for a very long time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Please do leave questions, comments, or concerns. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
